162 comments

Reminds me of one of my favourite SNL sketches: https://youtu.be/kq8Xlbb3bOw?is=ymUnd9aG6B1kE_NJ
Very good!
scun
> The results revealed that Jonathan has “unique gene variants in most aging pathways” including DNA repair, insulin regulation, mitochondrial function, and “low entropy” methylation, reports the study.

min-maxing longevity vs speed and charisma

luipugs
I dunno, I think he's pretty charismatic. He has all these researchers wanting to spend time with him.
scun OC
Sure but biologists will talk to anything. You know what happened to the other tortoises? Bored to death.
Yeah, but is he more charismatic than Bryan Johnson?

Wait till he gets his hands on turtle semen and peptides

My supplement company has a product, PeptiShell Vital Peak, that has been selling in volume to a mystery buyer for the past few months. Things that make you go hmmm.
The oldest gay tortoise there is. You can hear the grunts when he and Frederick are fucking from the other side of the valley.
He's basically been networking for 194 years without ever leaving the garden
The hare really ought to take notes
To be fair, he's had 194 years to work on his charisma. At this point it's a choice
whats the point to living longer if you're not living life
Hell yeah I’m down to become a turtle. Lay by the beach. Eat kelp. Awesome
it kinda looks like he was taken from his home as a toddler and put in jail for like... 180 years or so?. very romantic indeed.
You can already do that in Bali without tortoise conversion therapy.
There really is an xkcd for everything.
johng
There really is. It's uncanny.
So being Mitch McConnell in other words, just without the waterfront living? I'm pretty sure he's a turtle, and is at least as old as Jonathan.

But then so is half the US Senate.

Interesting so the oldest land animal hasn’t cracked 200 but stuff that lives in the sea can go for five or 600 years or more.
There's sharks out there that are much older than the United States.

And sponges older than pyramids.

Older than the United States hahaha.

Remember the saying : in the US, 100 years is a long time; in Europe, 100km is a long distance.

It's still pretty long in the US. Over an hour by car, and even for people who bicycle regularly riding a century is no joke.
By that same sort of metric, 100 years is a long time in Europe, too. Not too many people live that long.
How pedantic can we be? There are a number of countries in Europe younger than the United States...
It’s more like US people look at a couple 100yo buildings and say stuff like “wow this place has a lot of history!”
> It’s more like US people look at a couple 100yo buildings and say stuff like “wow this place has a lot of history!”

You are overgeneralizing. In much of Europe plenty of architecture was erected after 1945, and most of architecture around and after 1900.

And then you have things like the “new bridge” in Paris which is 420 years old.
1-more
The most common surname in Czech Republic is Novák meaning "new guy" but it could be because a guy was the new guy in town in the 1600s.
Or the New River in London - an artificial waterway opened in 1613.
And we europeans consider them young. What we are pointing is that people in US (and America in general) talks about pre-1776 stuff as they were prehistoric, and pre-1900 stuff as they were comparable to Roman ruins. Add to that that we love to bomb each other to a ruble, and buildings and countries younger than 200 years are viewed as temporary stuff. Nothing pedantic or snobby here, just pointing that we live in different scenarios that affected our views.
> pre-1900 stuff as they were comparable to Roman ruins

I get your point, but it's maybe not quite this bad. I grew up in a city where most homes were built in ~1900, with a number from before then. And this is on the west coast, there are lots of even older structures on the east coast.

> Nothing pedantic or snobby here

I wasn't describing you as pedantic, I was referring to myself, since I was about to observe that a number of European countries are technically young by government age. There is obviously a lot of nuance there, and long history, but hey, there have been people inhabiting North America well before the USA became a thing too.

vidarh
But far fewer than modern nation states that are younger. E.g. Norway as a modern nation state is typically dated to either 1814 (constitution), or 1905 (independence), but the country is considered to have been united between 872 and ~1130 depending on exactly how consolidated control you're willing to count.
Isn't the USA older then pretty much every country in Europe? Maybe the UK could be considered older depending on how you count it and San Marino is there but all the other major ones like Germany, Italy, France, Spain, etc aren't even 100.
bmitc
It's interesting how arrogant Europeans can be towards the U.S. when they themselves seeded the U.S.!
My Dad has a vacuum cleaner that is older than USA
How in the world can you claim that France is not even 100? The German empire was established in 1857, which is definitely more than 100 years ago; it's also not unreasonable to say that the HRE could be equated to the German state, that Spain is the continuation of Castille, and that the Roman empire can be considered the direct precursor to Italy

There's a cultural through line for all these countries, often stretching back thousands of years, which means that they reach further back than the definition of the modern state

If you're gonna give them credit for stuff like that, then you need to at least give credit to the United States as far back as the Pilgrims in the 1600s.
Perhaps, they were certainly foundational in establishing traditions that are now part of American culture, but even 1600 is young compared to many, if not most, European countries

The Franks made Paris their capital in the 5th century, so that still ~1100 years earlier

The Germanic people exists in records from the 1st century

Whether you can consider Spain as originating from Hispania of the Roman Empire, which would place it in the BCs, or you are more conservative and say that it doesn't count until after the reconquista from the Umayyad, we're still around the 10th or 11th century

As for Italy, we're again in BCs with the Roman empire

So yes, in comparison to many European countries, the US is a very young country

By your metric Canada is older than the USA, first colony (Champlain was founding permanent trading posts in 1608 some of those settlements turned into cities that exist today)
Perhaps they referenced a source that only considers the French Fifth Republic as “France”? That would give it an age of 68.
Perhaps, but that would by all accounts still be a pretty silly thing to do. It's not like another group of people with a different cultural background invaded France and displaced/killed everyone already living there

A person with a French citizenship from the fourth republic was still a French citizen when the fifth republic was established

cdot2
By that logic "People with a different cultural background invaded France and displaced everyone already living there" Paris is a very young city.
Sweden would like a word...
Didn't expect folks to take a fact statement as an attack.

The point was to emphasize the longevity of some animals, as for us humans the US constitution is 8/9 generations away.

well at least there are no 100km long sharks
stubish
And Orange Roughy, available in Australian fish and chip shops, spawned around the same time as the first British colony there.
Maybe leaving the water is a mistake...
bmitc
Whales seemed to have figured that out.
I mean their ancestor was a land mamal that decided to go live in water so they kind of did figure it out.
bmitc
That's the point ...
Apparently the secret to living 500 years is to move somewhere cold, avoid sunlight, and never be in a hurry
But what if I already live somewhere cold, avoid sunlight and am never in a hurry?
If you are a human this will make you a depressed alcoholic.
I also don't drink
Cold, no sun AND no alcohol? Man that must suck. :)
Welcome to Deadhorse, Alaska:

https://partyshopmaine.com/alaska/is-alcohol-illegal-in-dead...

(And apologies for the slop, that was the first reasonable link I found.)

Then short of living in a war ravaged country, or somewhere that is poverty stricken with malnutrition, you are living one of the least desirable forms of human life. For your sake, I hope you’re at least watching good TV, playing some nice video games, are working on an interesting problem and have someone to have sex with.
I think the clue is in bro's name: https://news.ycombinator.com/user?id=TiredOfLife
I do IT, poorly, in a basement in Canada. I will live to 500.
dyauspitr OC
As a person that absolutely loves hundred plus degree weather and is constantly outdoors I’ll take 20 years of a hot, sunny life over 500 years of that.
This is the oldest land animal currently living and whose age is known with certainty.

It is believed that other tortoises may have lived close to 300 years.

The greater age reached by animals living in an environment that is cold and with a constant temperature and which need a much lower average power for living (i.e. a lower energy consumption and a slower metabolism) is very much expected.

totetsu
Why was the us space force involved?
gumby OP
He has a pm unusually large volume and has been around an unusually long time and they are the group responsible for anomalies in space-time.
I'd guess that the samples got flown through RAF Ascension Island which the Space Force operate at.
mapcars
oldest known animal
antonvs
> Stephen Clark, an aging researcher

Shouldn’t they find a younger researcher?

To be fair, all researchers are aging.
Then why they are they picking on Stephen?
aix1
Ideally one called Jonathan?
andai
Maybe he's just really good at chess.